Mom and Dad

Something has happened to my parents.  Something I have not gone through with them before.  Something very different.  They retired.  Now, this sounds simple, this retirement thing, right?  You just cease to go to work.  Other than that, nothing changes, right?  W.R.O.N.G.  They are in fact home more often but now they are...well, they are weird... which I mean in a good way...I suppose.

Let's examine this, shall we?  We have the regular retirement things going on.  Dad meets the guys for breakfast each week, mom volunteers at church more and naps are taken at will.  All normal. Then there is the TV viewing.  I go to my folks' during my lunch many days (I work next door), to hang out and chit chat.  As soon as I walk in the door, mom pushes the pause button on her DVR.  I suppose that's because while I'm busy telling them about my burmese python bite, they might miss Nate Berkus' list of his favorite neutral accessories or perhaps his segment on how to transform a room for under $300..and God knows they doesn't want to miss that!!  That's right, my folks not only watch, but also tape the Nate Berkus show.  This fact alone bewilders me because I'm not all that sure they listen to what Nate has to say.  I'm not sure Nate would gush over their sunset orange spare room or their Mt. Olive Marauder gold bedroom (I'm almost certain, though, that he would love the gay pride purple bathroom!!)  Perhaps they just watch for purely entertainment value!  Whatever it is, they'd clearly rather listen to Nate than me.  I'm choosing not to be offended.

Now, the Nate show is new, so if they are worried about missing some great designing nugget of information, I can try to understand.  It's when mom pauses Little House on the Prairie episodes that make me a little loony.  I mean really.  I'm 40 years old and I've seen each episode at least 4 times, haven't I??  So I have to guess she's seen each one, say,  13 times, minimum.  This begs the question, is she not able to find something that interests her in the other 289 channels she has at her fingertips OR does she not remember how each episode ends (usually with us reaching for tissues, I'll tell ya that!)?  The other thing that makes me laugh is when I look at her DVR list and see "The Waltons" on there.  Seriously, mom???  That show has been on for 86 years and I'm sure it'll be on for another 86...if ya miss one, you'll catch it again in a few months...do ya need to tape it?

Now, I'm just picking about Little House on the Prairie and The Waltons.  That's mom..she loves those shows and that will never change.  And actually, I'd rather walk in on her watching that then Gene Simmons Family Jewels.  Disturbing.  Really.  Zach was there one night and Gene was going to propose to his long time love, Shannon.  He was skyping with Shannon's mom, asking for her hand in marriage.  Her mom hesitated and my dad said, "what's the problem? Why isn't she happy??"  to which my mom pipes in with, "he cheated on Shannon a lot, that's why" (or some words to this effect. Zach couldn't remember exactly because he was too busy being mortified.) Zach was like, "ew...grandma!!"  I guess Gene Simmons Family Jewels isn't really something you expect your sweet, cookie making grandma to be tuning in to...much less explaining to your silly, Oreo cookie eating grandpa!  Zach told me what happened and I said, "Yuck, we shall never speak of this again."

Let's put TV aside now.  Let's move on to snacks.  I realized my folks were officially retired when I noticed, last week, that they were developing a signature snack.  You see, when I was little, my Aunt Jan and Uncle Ed ALWAYS had those little pink mints that taste like Pepto Bismol in a dish near their rockers.  Signature snack.  My grandma and grandpa Harris ALWAYS had a dish of sour ball candies next to their rocker..(I always picked a green one.) Signature snack.  My grandma and grandpa Masino didn't have just one snack but there are things that will always remind me of them because they had them so often.  My grandma ALWAYS had non-dairy creamer on her lazy susan. I've never known anyone else to stock this product in their homes..before or since!  My grandpa liked cookies and often had Oreos (he'd scrape off the cream and give the cookie to his dog...God I hated that dog!!) or those sugar wafer cookies.  Signature snacks.  Now on to my parents apparent signature snack...drum roll please....peanuts.  Yup, simple salted peanuts.  Zach and I crashed at my folks' last weekend while they were in PA.  I noticed a can of peanuts in the cabinet and grabbed a few (who doesn't love peanuts?).  As we sat on the couch talking, I noticed another can of peanuts next to dad's rocker. Hmmm...  From what I can deduce based on previous experience, once a snack takes up regular residence next to the rocking chair, it is, in fact, a signature snack of said household.  So now I feel I can expect to have access to peanuts anytime I'm visiting mom and dad's house because as we know, once you have set a signature snack precedent, you can't not have it there for your guests!!

So there ya have it.  I'm still learning about how parents evolve during retirement.  This is all new to me..although they seem to settle quite easily and happily into it!  I'm keeping my eyes peeled for other interesting, funny (or disturbing) ways they are changing in this new phase of their lives.

 I'll keep ya posted.

Life's lessons....

Open letter to my sons,

My darling boys, I can't believe how quickly you are growing.  It seems like just yesterday our home was filled with diapers and baby food.  Now it's ipods and laptops.  As you know, each stage of life comes with new lessons to be learned.  After much consideration, I feel it's time for me to teach you one such lesson.

Ok...  there is a machine to the left of our kitchen sink.  This machine is called a dishwasher.  Say it with me:
D I S H  W A S H E R.  Good.  This wondrous piece of technology can wash our dirty dishes with very little effort on our part. That said, there are a few things we humans must do.  First and foremost, we must put the aforementioned dirty dishes from the sink into the machine.  You see, when I bought each glass, plate, spoon, etc home, I cut it's tiny legs off.   This means nothing can walk itself to the dishwasher.  Luckily for us, our sink is in close proximity to our dishwasher.  This means very little movement on your part.  All you need to do is scrape any food remnants into the trash..again conveniently located near said sink and dishwasher (although as teenagers, you rarely leave anything behind on your plates!!).  After the plate has been scraped, load the dirty dishes and utensils into the dishwasher.  It's pretty simple to figure out where things get placed but if you have any doubts, don't hesitate to ask me.  Once the dishwasher is full (note: not 1/2 full, not overfull) please take the 32 seconds it takes to add dish soap (the cup is labeled inside the front door) AND turn it on (this is a very important step!!)  Voila...in an hour or so- clean dishes!

Now I don't want to overwhelm you with information but when the only light still on is the "clean" light, you can (hold on to your boxers) open the door and put the clean dishes back in their assigned homes!!  The cycle then begins again because I know there will already be dirty dishes in the sink.

I know!!  It's almost too much to grasp isn't it??   Sigh...it is my greatest joy as a parent to get to share these things with the 2 of you.  I am so blessed.

All My Love,
   mom
xoxox

Ya gotta have friends...

Lately I've been thinking a lot about friends, mine in particular.  I was thinking of what friends mean to me. I have some friends that have come and gone from my life, leaving me with a life lesson.  I have friends whom I laugh and giggle (and bitch) with at work.  Other friends have slowly faded away with no hard feelings, only lives that have gone in different directions to the point that we no longer have anything in common.  Then there are my old friends.  By old, I don't mean they are actually old (although most are older than me)...I mean the ones that I've had the longest.  As preteens we were brought together as we were uncertain, insecure middle schoolers (or for you M.O. alums...Upper El ).  We went through puberty and braces together, first crushes and first heartbreaks, difficult parents and Mr. Cobb.  Even as we branched off with friends from other "cliques" we always came back to where we knew were safe..each other.  It was really quite extraordinary to be raised by 4 or 5 sets of parents...all of whom were looking out for your well being, pulling for you to succeed, listening to your teenage woes, rolling their eyes at you, and parenting you just like your own folks did.

Life has certainly intervened since our time hanging out by my folks' pool or Friday nights on Lori's couches (eating Doritos and drinking Pepsi) watching scary movies or well...any of the other agonizingly normal (and fun!) things we used to do.  We've gone to college, joined the military, gotten married, had babies, had our hearts broken, changed careers, bought houses, and one of us even found our acting chops!  And yet, despite all of that, when we are lucky enough to get together again, it's as though not a day has passed.  We pick up where we left off like it was just yesterday that we were heading out to the Diner for cheese fries and gravy.  Our old stories still make us laugh and we enjoy hearing about the goings on in everyone's everyday lives.  Recently I was blessed to reconnect with one of these "old" and very dear friends.  It's amazing how much I miss her after seeing her just 2 weeks ago!  I find it nearly impossible to believe we lost touch for 19yrs.  We have much to catch up on and yet it feels like no time has passed.  We will not be letting another 2 decades go by without each other!

It's funny, when I talk to my boys about this special group of friends, I will say "I was 11 when I got Miss Nancy" or "do you know how long I've had Mr. Eric??"  My pals and I have asked each other "When DID we get Steve?" I think the reason I fall into that terminology is because I feel, truly, like I received each of them, much as one receives a gift.  They helped shape my views on the world, my views on what friendship means and in their love for me, I see the very best of myself reflected back to me.  In some divine intervention many decades ago, we were picked for each other and although we have "grown-up" lives now, we still, in some long-ago determined way, belong to each together.