Something has happened to my parents. Something I have not gone through with them before. Something very different. They retired. Now, this sounds simple, this retirement thing, right? You just cease to go to work. Other than that, nothing changes, right? W.R.O.N.G. They are in fact home more often but now they are...well, they are weird... which I mean in a good way...I suppose.
Let's examine this, shall we? We have the regular retirement things going on. Dad meets the guys for breakfast each week, mom volunteers at church more and naps are taken at will. All normal. Then there is the TV viewing. I go to my folks' during my lunch many days (I work next door), to hang out and chit chat. As soon as I walk in the door, mom pushes the pause button on her DVR. I suppose that's because while I'm busy telling them about my burmese python bite, they might miss Nate Berkus' list of his favorite neutral accessories or perhaps his segment on how to transform a room for under $300..and God knows they doesn't want to miss that!! That's right, my folks not only watch, but also tape the Nate Berkus show. This fact alone bewilders me because I'm not all that sure they listen to what Nate has to say. I'm not sure Nate would gush over their sunset orange spare room or their Mt. Olive Marauder gold bedroom (I'm almost certain, though, that he would love the gay pride purple bathroom!!) Perhaps they just watch for purely entertainment value! Whatever it is, they'd clearly rather listen to Nate than me. I'm choosing not to be offended.
Now, the Nate show is new, so if they are worried about missing some great designing nugget of information, I can try to understand. It's when mom pauses Little House on the Prairie episodes that make me a little loony. I mean really. I'm 40 years old and I've seen each episode at least 4 times, haven't I?? So I have to guess she's seen each one, say, 13 times, minimum. This begs the question, is she not able to find something that interests her in the other 289 channels she has at her fingertips OR does she not remember how each episode ends (usually with us reaching for tissues, I'll tell ya that!)? The other thing that makes me laugh is when I look at her DVR list and see "The Waltons" on there. Seriously, mom??? That show has been on for 86 years and I'm sure it'll be on for another 86...if ya miss one, you'll catch it again in a few months...do ya need to tape it?
Now, I'm just picking about Little House on the Prairie and The Waltons. That's mom..she loves those shows and that will never change. And actually, I'd rather walk in on her watching that then Gene Simmons Family Jewels. Disturbing. Really. Zach was there one night and Gene was going to propose to his long time love, Shannon. He was skyping with Shannon's mom, asking for her hand in marriage. Her mom hesitated and my dad said, "what's the problem? Why isn't she happy??" to which my mom pipes in with, "he cheated on Shannon a lot, that's why" (or some words to this effect. Zach couldn't remember exactly because he was too busy being mortified.) Zach was like, "ew...grandma!!" I guess Gene Simmons Family Jewels isn't really something you expect your sweet, cookie making grandma to be tuning in to...much less explaining to your silly, Oreo cookie eating grandpa! Zach told me what happened and I said, "Yuck, we shall never speak of this again."
Let's put TV aside now. Let's move on to snacks. I realized my folks were officially retired when I noticed, last week, that they were developing a signature snack. You see, when I was little, my Aunt Jan and Uncle Ed ALWAYS had those little pink mints that taste like Pepto Bismol in a dish near their rockers. Signature snack. My grandma and grandpa Harris ALWAYS had a dish of sour ball candies next to their rocker..(I always picked a green one.) Signature snack. My grandma and grandpa Masino didn't have just one snack but there are things that will always remind me of them because they had them so often. My grandma ALWAYS had non-dairy creamer on her lazy susan. I've never known anyone else to stock this product in their homes..before or since! My grandpa liked cookies and often had Oreos (he'd scrape off the cream and give the cookie to his dog...God I hated that dog!!) or those sugar wafer cookies. Signature snacks. Now on to my parents apparent signature snack...drum roll please....peanuts. Yup, simple salted peanuts. Zach and I crashed at my folks' last weekend while they were in PA. I noticed a can of peanuts in the cabinet and grabbed a few (who doesn't love peanuts?). As we sat on the couch talking, I noticed another can of peanuts next to dad's rocker. Hmmm... From what I can deduce based on previous experience, once a snack takes up regular residence next to the rocking chair, it is, in fact, a signature snack of said household. So now I feel I can expect to have access to peanuts anytime I'm visiting mom and dad's house because as we know, once you have set a signature snack precedent, you can't not have it there for your guests!!
So there ya have it. I'm still learning about how parents evolve during retirement. This is all new to me..although they seem to settle quite easily and happily into it! I'm keeping my eyes peeled for other interesting, funny (or disturbing) ways they are changing in this new phase of their lives.
I'll keep ya posted.
